Some of you may be wondering why I haven't blogged much lately. Come on, aren't we living the crazy life down here? Should be all kinds of really cool things to write about. And there are....but, here's the deal. God just won't let me write about some of them. I know, some of you guys won't understand this, especially if you're some of the people I love the most out there and who aren't sure about all this "being a Christian thing". Honestly, some of my Christian friends don't understand either. But that's the truth, God just hasn't let me write about some of the things we're doing. I promise, I will do a blog about this one day. The other reason is.....well things have been kind of rough for us and I just haven't felt like writing.
So, do you guys remember a post I did once titled Writing Naked? Well, I'm going to do that again. Every now and then, between the fluff, the news and the chit chat I do that. If you've followed my blogs long enough you already know that I can write some pretty open and honest, even controversial posts. I ask a lot of questions, make some pretty off the wall comments on some very "sacred" topics and in general, either drive would be friends away or make a complete fool of myself. And I've become okay with that. It's who I am. The really cool thing that happens though, is that the folks that "get" me or just decide to love me in spite of all my craziness....they become real friends.
I want to tell you about some real friends we have. Did I mention it's been a rough month...or two? So here's the naked truth. I love it down here. I really do. It's like I was born for this. I feel more alive here than I've ever felt before. Oh sure, there are times like when my computer breaks and I end up buying an inexpensive laptop which cost me double what it would cost in the States and when I get it home I find out it's the Spanish Language version only. That means that me, this very untechy guy, who can barely speak Spanish has to learn Windows 8 and it's OS in Spanish. Yeah, times like that suck. But for me, these times are few and far between. I love the rawness of life here, the way everything is boiled down to the basics. I love the people, I love the food, I love the freedom.
On the other hand, Barbe has really been struggling. I made sure she okayed this post before publishing so everything you read here has been approved by her. It's been hard for her. She doesn't have the same freedom I have. She has really struggled with Spanish, so as I'm happily babbling away butchering Spanish with others, she's only catching part of the conversation. Cooking is different down here. Shopping is different. LIFE IS DIFFERENT. She watches me and knows that I'm happy and she feels even worse because she isn't. And she really can't even say why, because although life is different here, in many ways it's the same. To make things worse, she's going through menopause. Did I mention that for her it's been a rough three months?
Here's something I have noticed as I talk with missionaries here, well the open and honest ones at least. (Oh, and by the way...we still don't know what to call ourselves.) Most of them are in the same boat. One or the other, or both, really struggle with being here, but don't feel like they can admit it. Almost all of them miss home, desperately. As one man told me, he has seen very few missionaries stay for more than 5 years. Those that do are usually just a little bit "different." I probably fit into that category.
Here's something I haven't told you about. In March we started a home fellowship group on Wednesday nights. We get together with just a few people. We share a meal, we share our week, we share our troubles, we share something from the Bible, we sing and we pray for each other. I mean we really pray. We allow each other to be open and honest, to share the good, the bad and the ugly. We have become like family. For me, Wednesday night has become the highpoint of my week.
Our usual group consist of our family, the Wells, Trey and Yuly. This past Wednesday we had some new folks. David was there. He's a pastor of a small church on the wrong side of the tracks in Sacramento, here on sabbatical for a few weeks. A new family we met last week, Arthur and Shelley and their two teenagers, who just moved here from Texas were there. I already love these guys. They're real people. They'll be the first to tell you...they're in culture shock.That's what our group looked like last Wednesday.
I know this post is running long and you're probably thinking, "Hey Mike, get to the point" or "where are the pictures". Sorry, just words on a page today. Feelings I'm trying to express. And I want to apologize because I'm going to go "Christianese" on you for a minute, something I try to avoid doing in this blog.
Let me set the stage for what happened next. Cory and Kirsten just got back from an awesome trip to Trujillo. They are sure that this is where God is going to move them after language school is over. They are rested, encouraged, excited...brimming over with good news. And we're all excited with them. Trey doesn't say much, but I think he's missing Laura. That's his girlfriend, excuse me...fiancée. She came to visit for a month, and while she was here they got engaged. Very romantic. She went back home last week...bummer. We all miss her too. David is on sabbatical and headed back to his family the next day. He's cool and I have had an awesome time getting to know him. Arthur and Shelley and the kids are fitting right in with us, but they're struggling and they're honest about it. Barbe and I...did I mention it's been rough these past few weeks? I can tell you this, if there's any crap in your life, it will float to the top when you step out and do something like what we're doing. Ask anybody who has done it or is doing it. If they tell you any different their either a saint or a liar. I guarantee it.
So we get to our prayer time, my favorite part of the night...(well, I really love mealtime too,) and honestly, I don't feel like praying. I'm tired, my shoulders are so hunched up from stress I feel like Quasimodo and I feel like a hypocrite besides. But, if there's one thing I've learned, I'm not praying in my name, I'm praying in Jesus' name. There's a huge difference in that. Okay sorry, Christenese again, but as we began to pray, the power of God was in that room. All of a sudden in the middle of this beautiful time, my struggling wife who I love dearly, says something really, really angry directed towards me. AWKWARD. I feel my shoulders hunch even higher, if that were possible. My first thought is...."aw oh, this isn't going to be pretty". My second thought is, "what are the new folks gonna' think".
The room goes quiet. A very, very pregnant pause follows and then everyone starts talking. The men are busy trying to "fix" things, the ladies are telling the men to "back off" and you know what? I find myself beginning to relax. We're family, as ugly as that is sometimes, and that's the bottom line. Of course my wife felt terrible later on and was very embarrassed, but the oppression we had felt for the past several weeks was broken. Things are not suddenly perfect, Barbe is still struggling, I'm still trying to fix things instead of just listening, after all I'm a guy and apparently based on popular opinion this is not what women actually want us guys to do. Also, apparently we never learn this either, again based on the popular opinion of everyone in the room.
Some of you may be wondering why in the world I'd share this publicly. Ha, I wonder too, but I promised you, and more importantly I promised myself, that I would be honest in this story of our move to Honduras. Real life is not a glowing report filled with good news for the folks back home. (Sometimes I feel like I'm the myth buster, well there's another one busted. If all you ever read is glowing good news, you're not getting the whole story.) So there it is, and really, isn't that life? Right in the middle of a beautiful moment the baby cries or someone farts. You move to Honduras expecting certain things and BAM, you're hit with problems you never saw coming. That's life and as my father always warned us kids, life isn't fair. And that's the naked truth.
If the Church has failed in one area, it is that we no longer see ourselves as "family". Sometimes I am horrified by our lack of concern for each other. We should not be "every man for himself" or be in competition with each other. We need to stop pretending that we have it all together when our lives are falling apart. As the rest of our home fellowship group reads this, I want you to know how much your love and support has meant to Barbe and myself. And to Arthur and Shelly, if we didn't freak you out to much, I hope you'll be with us next Wednesday. We're like family, crazy, loud, sometimes obnoxious and miserable, but we need you. We need each other. That's what family is for.
So, do you guys remember a post I did once titled Writing Naked? Well, I'm going to do that again. Every now and then, between the fluff, the news and the chit chat I do that. If you've followed my blogs long enough you already know that I can write some pretty open and honest, even controversial posts. I ask a lot of questions, make some pretty off the wall comments on some very "sacred" topics and in general, either drive would be friends away or make a complete fool of myself. And I've become okay with that. It's who I am. The really cool thing that happens though, is that the folks that "get" me or just decide to love me in spite of all my craziness....they become real friends.
I want to tell you about some real friends we have. Did I mention it's been a rough month...or two? So here's the naked truth. I love it down here. I really do. It's like I was born for this. I feel more alive here than I've ever felt before. Oh sure, there are times like when my computer breaks and I end up buying an inexpensive laptop which cost me double what it would cost in the States and when I get it home I find out it's the Spanish Language version only. That means that me, this very untechy guy, who can barely speak Spanish has to learn Windows 8 and it's OS in Spanish. Yeah, times like that suck. But for me, these times are few and far between. I love the rawness of life here, the way everything is boiled down to the basics. I love the people, I love the food, I love the freedom.
On the other hand, Barbe has really been struggling. I made sure she okayed this post before publishing so everything you read here has been approved by her. It's been hard for her. She doesn't have the same freedom I have. She has really struggled with Spanish, so as I'm happily babbling away butchering Spanish with others, she's only catching part of the conversation. Cooking is different down here. Shopping is different. LIFE IS DIFFERENT. She watches me and knows that I'm happy and she feels even worse because she isn't. And she really can't even say why, because although life is different here, in many ways it's the same. To make things worse, she's going through menopause. Did I mention that for her it's been a rough three months?
Here's something I have noticed as I talk with missionaries here, well the open and honest ones at least. (Oh, and by the way...we still don't know what to call ourselves.) Most of them are in the same boat. One or the other, or both, really struggle with being here, but don't feel like they can admit it. Almost all of them miss home, desperately. As one man told me, he has seen very few missionaries stay for more than 5 years. Those that do are usually just a little bit "different." I probably fit into that category.
Here's something I haven't told you about. In March we started a home fellowship group on Wednesday nights. We get together with just a few people. We share a meal, we share our week, we share our troubles, we share something from the Bible, we sing and we pray for each other. I mean we really pray. We allow each other to be open and honest, to share the good, the bad and the ugly. We have become like family. For me, Wednesday night has become the highpoint of my week.
Our usual group consist of our family, the Wells, Trey and Yuly. This past Wednesday we had some new folks. David was there. He's a pastor of a small church on the wrong side of the tracks in Sacramento, here on sabbatical for a few weeks. A new family we met last week, Arthur and Shelley and their two teenagers, who just moved here from Texas were there. I already love these guys. They're real people. They'll be the first to tell you...they're in culture shock.That's what our group looked like last Wednesday.
I know this post is running long and you're probably thinking, "Hey Mike, get to the point" or "where are the pictures". Sorry, just words on a page today. Feelings I'm trying to express. And I want to apologize because I'm going to go "Christianese" on you for a minute, something I try to avoid doing in this blog.
Let me set the stage for what happened next. Cory and Kirsten just got back from an awesome trip to Trujillo. They are sure that this is where God is going to move them after language school is over. They are rested, encouraged, excited...brimming over with good news. And we're all excited with them. Trey doesn't say much, but I think he's missing Laura. That's his girlfriend, excuse me...fiancée. She came to visit for a month, and while she was here they got engaged. Very romantic. She went back home last week...bummer. We all miss her too. David is on sabbatical and headed back to his family the next day. He's cool and I have had an awesome time getting to know him. Arthur and Shelley and the kids are fitting right in with us, but they're struggling and they're honest about it. Barbe and I...did I mention it's been rough these past few weeks? I can tell you this, if there's any crap in your life, it will float to the top when you step out and do something like what we're doing. Ask anybody who has done it or is doing it. If they tell you any different their either a saint or a liar. I guarantee it.
So we get to our prayer time, my favorite part of the night...(well, I really love mealtime too,) and honestly, I don't feel like praying. I'm tired, my shoulders are so hunched up from stress I feel like Quasimodo and I feel like a hypocrite besides. But, if there's one thing I've learned, I'm not praying in my name, I'm praying in Jesus' name. There's a huge difference in that. Okay sorry, Christenese again, but as we began to pray, the power of God was in that room. All of a sudden in the middle of this beautiful time, my struggling wife who I love dearly, says something really, really angry directed towards me. AWKWARD. I feel my shoulders hunch even higher, if that were possible. My first thought is...."aw oh, this isn't going to be pretty". My second thought is, "what are the new folks gonna' think".
The room goes quiet. A very, very pregnant pause follows and then everyone starts talking. The men are busy trying to "fix" things, the ladies are telling the men to "back off" and you know what? I find myself beginning to relax. We're family, as ugly as that is sometimes, and that's the bottom line. Of course my wife felt terrible later on and was very embarrassed, but the oppression we had felt for the past several weeks was broken. Things are not suddenly perfect, Barbe is still struggling, I'm still trying to fix things instead of just listening, after all I'm a guy and apparently based on popular opinion this is not what women actually want us guys to do. Also, apparently we never learn this either, again based on the popular opinion of everyone in the room.
Some of you may be wondering why in the world I'd share this publicly. Ha, I wonder too, but I promised you, and more importantly I promised myself, that I would be honest in this story of our move to Honduras. Real life is not a glowing report filled with good news for the folks back home. (Sometimes I feel like I'm the myth buster, well there's another one busted. If all you ever read is glowing good news, you're not getting the whole story.) So there it is, and really, isn't that life? Right in the middle of a beautiful moment the baby cries or someone farts. You move to Honduras expecting certain things and BAM, you're hit with problems you never saw coming. That's life and as my father always warned us kids, life isn't fair. And that's the naked truth.
If the Church has failed in one area, it is that we no longer see ourselves as "family". Sometimes I am horrified by our lack of concern for each other. We should not be "every man for himself" or be in competition with each other. We need to stop pretending that we have it all together when our lives are falling apart. As the rest of our home fellowship group reads this, I want you to know how much your love and support has meant to Barbe and myself. And to Arthur and Shelly, if we didn't freak you out to much, I hope you'll be with us next Wednesday. We're like family, crazy, loud, sometimes obnoxious and miserable, but we need you. We need each other. That's what family is for.
I agree that when you come to another country there are problems you never expected - intermittent water, electricity, and Internet. No hospital, no stores, and no grocery stores close by. They do exist in Honduras but not close enough to walk to because I don't have a car here. So you learn a lot about yourself through the struggles. I am dependent upon others to take me everywhere I can't walk to which is hard for me because I have been an independent woman for several years. As a single woman, finding a ministry where I felt I was part of the team is very important to me. But with all the potential for that happening, it did not happen so I have struggled these last 10 months with this too. After much prayer, I have decided to return in July through November to finish their school year and give this ministry a second chance.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I am hearing this from other singles too. I remember so well 20 years ago when I was single and a new believer needing fellowship and a home cooked meal and watching everyone leave the church with their families...desperately wanting someone to invite me with them, all the time smiling like I hadn't a care in the world. It must be 20 times more difficult for you here than it has ever been at home. I'm glad you are returning. I know I made a promise...maybe it was to you, if not to someone in your same situation to bring you here for a visit from time to time and I haven't made good on that promise yet. I am terribly sorry and anything I say would just be excuses. I will try to make good on that soon.
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