No, I'm not sitting here in my underwear or less. I didn't even come up with the post title. Billy Coffey did. But, when I read his blog post, I knew exactly what he meant. Sometimes I just write the newsy, everyday stuff. The kind of things I might share on facebook, but sometimes I write the things that I really feel inside. My emotions, my dreams and fears, my heart. That's writing naked. I've had people ask me why I would do such a thing, you know, put myself out there like that. Sometimes I ask myself the same thing.
So why? Because, that's the kind of writing that matters...to me. I tire very quickly of the superficial, the mundane, the chit-chat; or the glowing, God is good, everything is always fine reports, because although God is good all the time, the circumstances of our lives are not necessarily so. I like to know who a person really is. I guess I just like honesty, so that's how I write. Besides, this blog is about "the journey" and true journeys require honesty. I'm pretty sure it's in the rule book.
So you ask me, "How are you guys doing, Mike? You must be getting excited about leaving for Honduras." The superficial answer would be, "Yes, can't wait!" The answer I've been giving (slightly below superficial) is, "Yes, we are excited, but we're under a lot of stress right now too. I don't think we realized how much work it would be to get ready." And this is true. But the naked answer would be this.
"Along with the feelings of excitement, stress, tiredness and worry, I find that I'm experiencing feelings of aloneness and loneliness. This seems odd to me and unexpected. After all, my family is with me. We have seen many of our friends over the past few weeks, so it's not that kind of aloneness. It stems, I think, from the realization that we are going through this experience, this process of moving and starting a new life in another country entirely by ourselves. It is, to some extent, self imposed. I understand that and I'm okay with it. This is the direction which for various reasons we chose and continue to choose."
"Most people who do what we are doing belong to a missions organization. They have spent the last few years raising financial support, building a base of people who encourage them and pray for them. They have a home office who is helping them with all the logistics, who know the ropes, the regulations and the rules. We made the decision not to go that route, although we had several opportunities to do so. Instead, we have chosen, at least for now, to support ourselves and make the move on our own. So, we're mostly figuring this all out as we go along. Lately I feel like we're hemorrhaging money. The cost of just preparing to go, let alone the actual move continues to rise with each new and unexpected tax, stamp, duty, bond, insurance or fee. The church we consider our home church is in Florida. It's along way from Maine. We will be visiting them on our way to Honduras, but by then the hard part of leaving will be over."
"We had a surprise 80th birthday party for my mom last Sunday. We met at the local Chinese restaurant. My siblings, those who still live in Maine, where all there. My nephew and his family drove up from Lewiston. It was a really nice evening. In the back of my mind there was this nagging thought...this could be the last time I see my parents. I try to quiet it, to hush it up, but it's there. It was still there tonight when I visited them at the house I grew up in and where we will be staying for the next few days."
"We're leaving the life we're used to behind. The country, the culture, the stability, the security the...normalness of life in the United States. Ahead of us lies uncertainty, danger, a new country and culture...the unknown. All of this only adds to this feeling of aloneness and loneliness. I think Barbe is feeling it too. I know she is, she just expresses it differently, but the past few weeks have been hard for her too. The boys are doing okay, I think. Mostly just ready to be done packing and cleaning and to get on with the adventure part. I guess they didn't realize that adventure is 99% hard work."
"On a positive note, we've been enjoying a January thaw so the weather has been quite warm. We had a wonderful dinner Friday night at the Calzolaio Pasta Co in Wilton with good friends. We're almost done packing and cleaning. The trailer is packed...probably overloaded, and I think we're still on schedule to leave Tuesday."
"So any way, yeh, that's kind of how we've been. How have you been?"
So, how have you been...really?
So why? Because, that's the kind of writing that matters...to me. I tire very quickly of the superficial, the mundane, the chit-chat; or the glowing, God is good, everything is always fine reports, because although God is good all the time, the circumstances of our lives are not necessarily so. I like to know who a person really is. I guess I just like honesty, so that's how I write. Besides, this blog is about "the journey" and true journeys require honesty. I'm pretty sure it's in the rule book.
So you ask me, "How are you guys doing, Mike? You must be getting excited about leaving for Honduras." The superficial answer would be, "Yes, can't wait!" The answer I've been giving (slightly below superficial) is, "Yes, we are excited, but we're under a lot of stress right now too. I don't think we realized how much work it would be to get ready." And this is true. But the naked answer would be this.
"Along with the feelings of excitement, stress, tiredness and worry, I find that I'm experiencing feelings of aloneness and loneliness. This seems odd to me and unexpected. After all, my family is with me. We have seen many of our friends over the past few weeks, so it's not that kind of aloneness. It stems, I think, from the realization that we are going through this experience, this process of moving and starting a new life in another country entirely by ourselves. It is, to some extent, self imposed. I understand that and I'm okay with it. This is the direction which for various reasons we chose and continue to choose."
"Most people who do what we are doing belong to a missions organization. They have spent the last few years raising financial support, building a base of people who encourage them and pray for them. They have a home office who is helping them with all the logistics, who know the ropes, the regulations and the rules. We made the decision not to go that route, although we had several opportunities to do so. Instead, we have chosen, at least for now, to support ourselves and make the move on our own. So, we're mostly figuring this all out as we go along. Lately I feel like we're hemorrhaging money. The cost of just preparing to go, let alone the actual move continues to rise with each new and unexpected tax, stamp, duty, bond, insurance or fee. The church we consider our home church is in Florida. It's along way from Maine. We will be visiting them on our way to Honduras, but by then the hard part of leaving will be over."
"We had a surprise 80th birthday party for my mom last Sunday. We met at the local Chinese restaurant. My siblings, those who still live in Maine, where all there. My nephew and his family drove up from Lewiston. It was a really nice evening. In the back of my mind there was this nagging thought...this could be the last time I see my parents. I try to quiet it, to hush it up, but it's there. It was still there tonight when I visited them at the house I grew up in and where we will be staying for the next few days."
"We're leaving the life we're used to behind. The country, the culture, the stability, the security the...normalness of life in the United States. Ahead of us lies uncertainty, danger, a new country and culture...the unknown. All of this only adds to this feeling of aloneness and loneliness. I think Barbe is feeling it too. I know she is, she just expresses it differently, but the past few weeks have been hard for her too. The boys are doing okay, I think. Mostly just ready to be done packing and cleaning and to get on with the adventure part. I guess they didn't realize that adventure is 99% hard work."
"On a positive note, we've been enjoying a January thaw so the weather has been quite warm. We had a wonderful dinner Friday night at the Calzolaio Pasta Co in Wilton with good friends. We're almost done packing and cleaning. The trailer is packed...probably overloaded, and I think we're still on schedule to leave Tuesday."
"So any way, yeh, that's kind of how we've been. How have you been?"
So, how have you been...really?
Wondering where you are now and how you are feeling since you have actually left. Praying for you all!
ReplyDeleteWe are in Florida and will be posting tomorrow on some of this. Thank you for praying!
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