Does walking away really mean no looking back?

In the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey and with Hurricane Irma gaining strength, threatening a direct hit on the East Coast, I've found myself struggling against the urge to be drawn back into something I have walked away from; commercial disaster relief work.

I entered the very lucrative, good old boys club of natural disaster relief cleanup in 2005. It wasn't an easy club to join after Katrina as so many, many people were vying for membership. Many who tried didn't make it and went broke waiting. Fortune, however, smiled on me when the second wealthiest man in Mississippi took me under his wing, eventually giving me responsibility for over half of Harrison County. Contracts with other large FEMA contractors followed and my family and I ended up spending seven months in Mississippi.

Over the years, I have worked many hurricanes, ice storms, tornadoes and floods. One of the last storms I worked was Irene where I oversaw the entire debris clean up and disposal for the State of Rhode Island, start to finish. Hurricane Sandy actually delayed our departure for Honduras.

Tornado damage in Springfield, MA

I love disaster relief work

I really do. The adventure, the camaraderie with my crews, the thankfulness of the people we are helping, and yes....the money, all added up to something that really fit me. 

Good Times, Good Memories

Here are some of the blogs I wrote about those experiences. Disaster Relief, Waiting on Sandy, Riding the Storm out in Newton, MA, I'm a Member of a Country Club, There's no Place like New York City, Time and Chance, Tales from New York City,  

But now I've chosen a new path, a new adventure, a new life.

When we moved to Honduras, we didn't know we'd end up staying here. The "plan" was to return to the USA after six months to a year. Then we decided to stay permanently. This required a new plan. The "new plan" was for me to still continue working storms to finance our life here. However, the weather patterns have been pretty quiet for the last 4 years. So, rather than starve, we came up with a "new, new plan". This time it included starting several businesses here in Honduras, but still continuing with disaster relief. Now that plan no longer seems viable. Now I have responsibilities that require me to be here in-country, including a 3 year old child who cannot legally leave Honduras. We have chosen a new life course and with it a new plan and it really leaves no room for a life in the USA, and that includes disaster relief work. Typical of life, all the old plans no longer work.

If you have read between the lines I wrote about my storm career, you will deduce that;  

• I'm proud of whatever success I achieved 
• Some of my personal identity is still wrapped up in my past achievements 
• It's hard for me to let go of that part of my past for those reasons
• That because of the current situation there exists a conflict of interest going on in me that leaves me unsettled in my current choice
• That this is affecting my contentment

(I believe that all of this applies to anyone who reflects on or is pulled by the past. We all use terms like; If only I had known, I wish I had done that instead of this, did I make the right choice, what if, maybe I should have....and many others that show that we are undecided if the choices we made are correct or that the past retains a strong pull on us.) 

Through our language school, the Spanish Institute of Honduras, I have watched hundreds of missionaries go through this same struggle. Leaving your life behind and starting fresh is not an easy thing, even if the new life is as good, satisfying or even better than the old one. Some let go, some never do. Sometimes a memory, a smell, a song or an event will trigger the desire to go back. (This struggle may apply to any change in lifestyle, location or career.)

Here are several things I've learned that help me

• Plans change all the time as life happens. 
• Once a decision is made, let it stand. If at all possible, don't second guess yourself.
• Often there is no right or wrong answer to your choice. It's just that, a choice.
• The future is unknowable, therefore the outcome of any decision is unknowable.
• It's not always about the money.
• Contentment comes from letting go of the past and living in the now.
• It's okay to go back, there is no shame or failure in it. It's just another choice.
• Hind sight is always 20/20
• Never say never

For the Christian believer, these feelings can be doubly difficult

We are all aware of the verse found in Luke 9:62. "Jesus replies, "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the Kingdom of God".  Wow, unfit for service? Really? Talk abut a guilt trip if we sometimes find ourselves wanting the old life. So, here's a couple of questions. Does that mean every decision we make should never allow for regrets or second thoughts? Is it okay to say, "Gosh, I wish I had ordered the double bacon cheeseburger instead of the grilled chicken." Or, "Man, sometimes I really miss my old job." Or, "Did God really call me to Honduras"

So here's my take

Jesus was talking about being a disciple, a follower of him. As a believer there should never exist the question, "Did I do the right thing by choosing to believe in Christ and follow him?" But what about all the other choices we make as frail, finite and flawed human beings? Are we allowed to wonder what if... or to sometimes miss the things we've left behind? Are we allowed to make incorrect, misinformed or faulty choices? My answer is absolutely Yes, because that is part of being human.

There is truth to the plow thing, however. I've never plowed before, but I've driven a lot of miles and I can absolutely assure you that it's hard to stay on the road if you're trying to look behind yourself all the time. A quick look in the rear view mirror is wise and prudent, but not a prolonged, head over the shoulder look. That WILL lead to disaster. If what's behind you is really that worthwhile, better to turn the vehicle around and go back.

Conclusion

• Love the past and enjoy it, but...
• Too much time spent looking back or doubting your choice will derail the present and make you ineffective and unhappy 
• Be content with the choice you made unless you are truly unhappy with it. If that's the case...
• Be willing to admit you may have made a bad choice and take steps to correct it and...
• You don't need to justify it to anyone, at least not to me
• Remember that only eternity is forever
• Enjoy your past successes but...
• Focus on the future with all it's unlimited possibilities...
• Because Today will be Tomorrow's past!

The future is where it's at, baby!