The Thing about Responsibility

To me, being responsible is one of the most desirable character traits a person can have. What more could any parent, employer, pastor or teacher hope for in a person than to know that the things they have asked to be done actually get done on-time and without needing to be followed up on. 

I can't imagine living an irresponsible life, even though doing so isn't always fun.

So recently we had this great guy from Ontario, Canada come down and lead a Living in Your Strengths workshop. His name is Baha Habashy from Integrity+ Consulting.  What I learned from the workshop is that each of us have strengths and abilities that affect the way we see and live life. According to the Gallup Strengths Finder 2.0 test my second strongest strength is Responsibility, my first strength being Ideas. 

Here is what Gallup says about a person with a strong Responsibility "strength".

Your Responsibility theme forces you to take psychological ownership for anything you commit to, and whether large or small, you feel emotionally bound to follow it through to completion. Your good name depends on it. If for some reason you cannot deliver, you automatically start to look for ways to make it up to the other person. Apologies are not enough. Excuses and rationalizations are totally unacceptable. You will not quite be able to live with yourself until you have made restitution. This conscientiousness, this near obsession for doing things right, and your impeccable ethics, combine to create your reputation: utterly dependable. When assigning new responsibilities, people will look to you first because they know it will get done. When people come to you for help—and they soon will—you must be selective. Your willingness to volunteer may sometimes lead you to take on more than you should.  © 2000, 2006-2012 Gallup, Inc. All rights reserved.

So as I read this, I'm like, "Yeah, that's exactly the way everyone ought to be...utterly dependable." And then I realized that not everyone has that as a strength, or as Baha says, "Everyone has every one of the 34 defined strengths, most are just lesser strengths". Which means that there are a lot of people out there living responsibly weak lives.

So here's the truth about me. Irresponsibility in a person really irritates me. 

Yep...that's my sentiments exactly

I was having a "discussion" with one of my sons the other day on the subject of "being responsible" and I used the dreaded "you need to grow up" phrase. Cringe. The response I got back was from his heart. I could hear it in his voice. "I'm trying to, Dad". It was so plaintive, so honest that it actually startled me and stopped me dead in my tracks. ( I use this with my son's permission) 

I'm trying to? Suddenly it dawned on me that maybe my son doesn't know what growing up actually looks like. I mean, what defines being grown up and what does the process of getting there look like anyway? Does it mean he now has to shave? That he can get a drivers license? A girlfriend? Come and go as he pleases? What does growing up, this thing of becoming an adult look like? 

Well, from where I stand it looks an awful lot like being responsible. And I don't think it matters that this is my particular strength, Learning to be responsible, and all that entails, really is what growing up is all about. I'm pretty sure about this.

For me, maturity/responsibility came at an early age. At thirteen I bought my first chainsaw and went to work in the great Maine woods. My job was that of "yardman". This was back in the day when the mills only took 4' pulp wood. As the skidder drug the harvested trees into the wood lot, I would cut them into 4' lengths and, using a pulp hook, stack them into long, waist-high rows for the logging truck to load. It was a man's job; hard, back breaking work for very little money...and I loved it. I continued working all the way through high school learning various trades, doing my classes at night. For me, working hard, providing for my own needs and the needs of my family is a huge part of being a responsible adult. Maybe this is why I am passionate about bringing jobs to Honduras in order to help men and women who want to live a responsible adult life do so.

Then of course there are life decisions we all need to learn to make responsibly as we grow up. Some of these we learn how to make wisely and responsibly from our own mistakes, some we learn from other's mistakes. 

I love the saying shown above. For me, bottom-line, responsibility and maturity is about being willing to take the blame for one's own actions, wrong choices or mistakes. Bottom-line. But, this is all coming from a person who is "driven" genetically to live responsibly. 

What say you?

A Latin American Christmas

I am unapologetically a Grinch. No...correction, I am THE Grinch. Most people find this character flaw in me surprising, even reprehensible. It's a long story for another post...maybe. Oddly, I have found that God in His infinite wisdom seems to balance out all our faults by giving others an excess of whatever we lack. For this very reason, I am certain, He brought Eric Bowman into my life.

Eric exudes Christmas joy and good cheer. If I didn't like Eric so much, I might even find this excess annoying. (Grinches are just that way, we can't help it.). Eric loves to decorate and string Christmas lights....by the thousands. I HATE hanging lights, even just one strand. However, even this excessive exuberance of Christmas spirit has it's side benefits. Eric spent three days patently and joyfully, as difficult as I found this to believe, stringing Christmas lights around the Spanish Institute of Honduras. He risked his neck on shaky non OSHA approved ladders, (rumor has it he actually fell) battled wasps, receiving several wounds in the process, patiently looked for blown bulbs and daily ran functionality checks on the system with his ever present, handy dandy, all-in-one Christmas light repair tool. The results where outstanding! Not only did we have a beautifully lit Institute and home for Christmas but when Sindy was married here two weeks ago, the place looked wonderful.

The Spanish Institute of Honduras and our home, tastefully decorated by Eric

Eric's home in Kentucky...see what I mean by excessive spirit? (photo used WITHOUT permission)
I was just now, after publishing, informed that this is not actually the Bowman's Old Kentucky Home, but rather National Lampoon's. I, however, submit to my audience that Eric wishes it were his and therefore it shall remain. (lawsuits are uncommon here in Honduras)

Our teacher/daughter Sindy and Rhoamedhy's wedding.

Here in Latin America, Christmas Eve is celebrated in a wild and joyous way. Firecrackers! For three weeks leading up to Christmas, Siguatepeque has been under siege. It's as though we are living in a city embroiled in guerrilla warfare. The rattle of small arms fire (aka firecrackers and cebollas) are a constant in the street and throughout the night. On Christmas Eve the intensity increases...the city is now under attack from a much larger force. The battle is all around us. The air begins to fill with the smoke from the explosions and from the fires lit in the streets. Mortar rounds add to the overall noise as do the screech of incoming missiles (bottle rockets). As the the clock reaches midnight a full force, D-Day invasion is underway. Ten minutes of roaring, ear shattering noise envelopes the city, slowly dying away to sporadic burst from Barrios near and far. In the morning the streets are littered with paper from a million firecrackers. Still there is no peace. As I write, I hear a continual smattering of explosions. This will continue all week culminating on New Year's Eve in one final night of wild celebration.

Out side of our house as I write.

On a personal note, the Wolfe house has been pretty quite (apart from the above exceptions). Highly unusual and honestly, much needed. Typically our house is full...constantly... with teachers, students, house guest and passerbys. And we love it, and tomorrow life will return to normal busyness once again. We have an all day teachers workshop on Friday. Our friends from Maine, the Keim family, will be arriving, friends from Teguc and La Paz may be dropping in and we have at least two new families arriving at the Institute who we are looking forward to welcoming. Oh yes, and the New Years Eve party we will be hosting. Complete with our very own fireworks show.

But for today it is only the four of us and Carlos. Luis went to Valle de Angeles with Tita, one of the ladies who raised him, and Nolvia is spending the week with her family. The presents under the Christmas tree were pretty sparse. My new Kindle Fire HDX 7 came down with the Cadmuses on Saturday and of course there was no way I was wrapping it and placing it under the tree and waiting. (Grinches are also impatient and despise wrapping presents.) The Keims will be bringing some of the boy's gifts on Sunday as well as special things like Jif peanut butter and Nutella.

Of course we miss Mark tremendously, but he is being well cared for in Seattle by Barbe's family. We Skyped with Mom this morning and will do the same later with Grammy. I also took time to call and wish a special friend in Maine Merry Christmas. He is 95 and still going strong, plowing snow and staying busy. (Grinches do have their good side).

So to all of you, my friends, Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year.

Why I'm Mad...and Sad

Okay folks. No photos, no feel good stories, just some straight talk.

Right now I'm a little ticked off. Maybe more than just a little. But I'm also sad at the same time.

Why?

Amnesty...that's why!

I'm going to ask a question. Do you think granting amnesty to an estimated 12 to 20 million illegals living in the States will hinder or help the problem of illegal immigration in the future?

Let me share the stories of two men I know personally.

Roberto (not his real name) is a hard working, well respected man in his barrio. He's actually the president of the patronato, kind of like the mayor of the neighborhood. He has a beautiful wife, a beautiful family. He's a good dad. He has a nice home and owns his own business. He and his wife went to the US, illegally, a number of years ago, worked hard - two jobs, stayed out of trouble and saved all they could. They came back home with enough cash to start a good life...BUT, it's hard to go from making $8.00 per hour to making $8.00 per day and although he doesn't say it, I think the savings are long gone. He longs to go back to the US. So does his wife. They talk about it all the time. 

I saw Roberto the other day. The first thing he told me is that a friend from the US called him and told him to hurry back, illegally of course, so that he could apply for amnesty. He wanted to know if I thought it was true. I didn't say a thing. I have no idea. Zilch. I do know this. The trip north is far more dangerous today than it was 20 years ago. And I know this too. I can't bear to see one more fatherless family here.

It made me sad. 

Note: I add this comment one year later. At the cost of nearly $30,000 USD, Roberto has now sent his family north to join him. He hopes that someday they will all become US citizens

________________________________________________

I go often into a certain store here in Sigua. Six days a week I would see Juan, (not his real name) smiling, waving at me. We'd fist bump over the counter and ask how each other's day was going. I like Juan. He's a good looking young man who had worked his way up to a decent position. Probably not making a whole lot, but hey, it's a decent, steady job in a country where those are hard to come by. Two days in a row I go into the store and, no Juan. "Hey, where's Juan?" I ask. "Oh, he doesn't work here anymore" they say. "Why?" I really want to know. "He headed north. Someone arranged for a "coyote" to take him. Friends in the States told him to come. He left without even collecting his last paycheck." Another one of Honduras' future fathers and community leaders...gone.

It made me mad.

I asked myself, why would a young man leave without even collecting his paycheck? Why the urgency? Why the willingness to brave the dangers of a drug cartel infested trip through Mexico? Could it possibly be the hope of arriving in time to receive amnesty?

I googled "how much does an illegal pay a coyote" and came up with this answer. 

$4,000 to $10,000 USD! 

Say what?

Even at the low end that's a years wages and at the high end...3 to 4 years wage. With no guarantee that you will make it to the USA alive...or not be caught and deported back home. 

I'm mad because:

• No one here seems to think it's wrong to go illegally to someone else's country.
• Too many young men and women think that life will be so much better living illegally in the US, where they will be given menial jobs at half of what a US citizens would make...if they'd even do it.
• Our policies encourage such actions.
• Our newspapers lie, trying to make it sound as though young people here are fleeing a war zone. Lies! And we buy into it.

I'm sad because:

• I see the debilitating effects of homes without husbands and fathers.
• I see teenage delinquents who receive just enough money from the States buy booze and become alcoholics at an early age, often fathering multiple children by multiple women because there is a shortage of available men...and caring for none of them. (Ok, that one makes me mad too)
• Honduras is losing their motivated leaders and workforce.

I'm going to be blunt for a moment and I'm going to say something to my fellow Christians, some who will probably disagree with me..and that's okay.

Stop bringing in free stuff and start bringing jobs!

Missions is a multi-billion dollar business. Yes, that's right, Billion with a "B". Most of it directed towards bringing in free stuff, building free buildings or doing free work. AND I'm okay with some of that. There is a place for charity. We practice it often. But here's the deal IF ONLY we'd stop, look and listen. Almost every man and woman I know...they just want a job. They want the dignity of being able to provide for their own families, with their own hands. They don't want the free stuff...until they find out that's all their gonna' get.

So, Church...you want to help?

Send some of your businessmen down here. Send your entrepreneurs. Use some of those billions to start businesses, give micro loans or build schools to teach trades. Maybe this should tell us something. People are leaving here in droves, willing to risk their lives to find work. .

On second thought, I'm not sure I blame them.

I'd probably do the same if I were in their shoes.

So...Do you really want to help?