Avoiding the God Complex

This post may be a bit controversial and may not interest those of you who are in the States, but I really hope to spark some discussion in the missionary community here and around the world. This has been in my heart to write this for a long time because I really do see falling prey to the "God complex" as such a real possibility for myself and other Americans, whether missionaries or non profits.

What exactly is meant by the term "God complex"? There are several variations to this phrase, but the one which I want to address is this, (and this is my own definition). "The attitude of a person because of nationality, social, educational or financial status, who sees themselves as having the answers and the resources to "save" the world, and because of this they begin to see themselves as "godlike" in their ability to affect or bring change in the lives of others less fortunate."

Living here in Honduras I am amazed at how often the opportunity to portray myself, if I were to choose to do so, as "special", "important", "extraordinary", "gifted" or, well..."Godlike" occurs. Here's an example. Several months ago I sat in a community meeting about a broken water well that needed repaired. I had, through the help of a friend, made the offer to repair the well and supply the pump if they would do several things on their own. In this meeting I was treated with an overabundance of respect. I was thanked effusively...to the point where I actually became embarrassed. Later I will tell you how I responded.

So here's the reality.

Because of my nationality, first and foremost, and because of my purse strings or the purse strings I have access too secondarily, I am often placed in a position that I am very uncomfortable with. That of being perceived as greater or more important than I really am. Because of my citizenship I can open doors here that are closed to most others. If you could see my phone contact list you would be amazed at who I can call on. And that is true for almost all Americans here who are here to bring help and aid. So for just a moment, let's get real. Most of us Americans living in third world countries are at best, at best, mid level managers and would probably find it difficult to compete in the job market back home. Take myself for instance. I'm a truck driver for crying out loud. Why should I, of all people have access to top government officials here? I certainly wouldn't back home. And yet a conversation with the President of Honduras is not out of the question.

I remind myself of this fact almost daily. I am a truck driver. True, like most of us here I want to help. My heart breaks to see the issues this country faces and I know everyone else here feels the same. That is why, if we really want to be of value, we must resist the urge to see ourselves as more than who we really are, because pride is a very odious and obvious character trait.

Here's what happens if we don't. We become prideful, we insist on having things done in our American way. We have an arrogant attitude when we speak to people in authority. We complain about all the things we don't like about the country. In short, we set ourselves above those we came to serve. We become "gods" looking to be served.

How can we avoid this temptation to think more highly of ourselves than is deserved. Here's a couple of ways I do it, and then I close with how I ended the community meeting.

• Remind yourself daily of why you came. Was it to serve, to bring relief, to bring the Gospel? Ask the question, "Is my attitude helping or hurting what I came to do?
• Remind yourself that it was not you who ordained that you should be born in the USA with all the advantages that has brought you, and not in some hopeless slum in San Pedro Sula.
• Remind yourself that from childhood you have been encouraged to dream, to become educated and that for you, really, everything usually does turn out alright.
• If you are a believer, remind yourself that it is only by the grace of God that you are who you are.
• Remind yourself that you are a guest in this country, and an uninvited one at that (most likely)
• Remind yourself that your projects, your ideas of how things should be done are no more than that. Yours.
• And last, but not least, put a job application out to the corporate world in the States from time to time.

Ok, so how did I close that meeting? Well, I use this approach more than any other to keep myself humble and avoid falling into the God complex trap. After seven or eight effusive thank yous, I finally said this to them. "I appreciate your gratitude, I really do, but I am no different than you. Each morning when I get up I like to think of God, the real one, opening his toolbox, sliding open the drawers. I like to picture him digging around in there, the same way I do when I want a Phillips screwdriver and not a flat. I see Him digging around in the toolbox, he picks me up and says, yes, this is the tool that I need to use today to bless my children in Siguatepeque with a well that works so they can have water to drink. And He takes me out and sets me in the middle of a community meeting in a poor barrio on the outskirts of town that needs water."

That is what I told them, and that is what I believe.  

 

We Say Goodbye to Chepito

Me and Chepito

Can you really lose your heart in less the one week? Yeh, you sure can. 

Back in March we became a Honduran foster family so that Luis could stay with us until he is adopted. Last week IHNFA paid us a visit. When they arrived unannounced at the gate, I assumed it was to check up on Luis. What they really wanted was for us to take one...or two...or four...babies they desperately needed to find temporary homes for. They all but begged us to. How could we say no? And so Jose, or Chepito as we called him, (Joey) came into our lives, an 8 month old beautiful boy, with killer dimples and a take life as it comes attitude.

Barbe and the 2 babies.

He was a good baby...as babies go. Hahahaha. It's been over 14 years since we've had a baby in our care. Here are some of the things I had forgotten about babies. I forgot how soft the bottoms of their feet are. I forgot how often they wake up in the middle of the night. I forgot how good they smell after a bath. I forgot how bad they smell with a dirty diaper. I forgot how wonderful it is to have then snuggle up against you with their heads resting on your shoulder. I forgot that you need to move the really, really toxic diapers out of hands reach. 

Thomas patiently holding Chepito

My boys too, fell in love with him. They actually spent hours playing with him or holding him and feeding him.

Mark and Ben entertaining

Although he is looking at the camera, Chepito loved to have the boys make silly faces at him. He would laugh and giggle endlessly.

One of the things he loved most, besides eating, was taking baths. He loved it!

Bath time!

And then 5 days after arriving, IHNFA called to tell us that they had found his grandparents and that they wanted to take the grandson they did not even know they had into their family.

Barbe and I were relieved, happy and saddened at the same time. Relieved because I am not sure at our age and as busy as we are, we are really prepared to care for a baby. Happy because he will be with his own family, and saddened because we fell in love with him.

Our neighbors in Maine were and are foster parents. I have a new respect for them. Foster parenting is not for the weak of heart. Without a doubt, it is challenging, rewarding and something well worth devoting your life too.

Towards this end, we have decided to begin working with other families who are also interested in fostering children, especially babies as these are the most difficult to place. I was amazed at the response I received from all over Honduras when I put the idea out on facebook. People who said they had been wanting to do this for a long time, but weren't sure how to. People who were already working with IHNFA to help place babies and are excited to be working in a more collective manner. And of course IHNFA, or as it is now called since last week, DINAF is thrilled with the idea of having additional families available to receive children.

I am excited about the future. It is challenging. IHNFA only last week was dissolved as a government agency by President Orlando. Plagued with problems, over weighted with employees and underfunded, the new DINAF was formed and is still in the process of development. No one is sure what it will look like when it is all said and done. One thing that has been announced is that they want to work more closely with churches, NGO's and non profits which fits nicely in with what we want to see happen. The needs are huge here. A low estimate has it that there are over 10,000 children in the care of DINAF currently. This in a country with a population of only 8,000,000 people.

My hope is that what we are doing in helping provide homes for babies, will also aid my work with Living Hope Adoptions Agency who I represent here in Honduras. There are so many children here who need a family and so many people who want a child. My prayer is that the new DINAF will make it easier for adoptions to take place.

There's a part of me that will always remain here.

They say that when you live in a place that you love, that when you leave you leave a part of yourself there. I'm sure that this will be case for me someday, but for now, in a more literal sense, it is certainly true. The part of me that will remain here is my gall bladder.

In my last post, I wrote how I had a severe gall bladder attack while visiting my family in Maine. Although the doctors wanted to remove it immediately, for several reasons I chose to wait until returning to Honduras to have the surgery.

One of the reasons is that medical treatment is so inexpensive here. In 2012, while visiting here for two months, Barbe had an emergency surgery to remove an ovarian tumor. The quality of treatment and care she received from Hospital Evangelico was wonderful, and so I had absolutely no qualms about returning to Honduras to have the laparoscopic surgery done.

I ended up having the surgery done at the new Centro de Espcialidades Medicas de Siguatepeque, only two and a half blocks from our house. The main reason I chose them is that, believe it or not, they were running a promotion (sale) on gall bladder removals. If you know me at all, then you know I cannot pass up a deal, and so a week ago Tuesday, Barbe and I walked down the hill to CEMS and checked me in for surgery.

CEMS

I was a little sorer than I expected after the surgery and I have an abscess near the incision in my bellybutton that antibiotics are taking care of, but other than that everything went very well. I have the little bottle of gall stones as a souvenir and they actually had Barbe go back and look at my gall bladder. I was disappointed that she did not photograph it. You should probably be thankful!

My gall stones

The following morning after the surgery, I walked back up the hill to the house. I do not know for sure how much the surgery would have cost in the US, but the estimates I see online show from $6,000 to $10,000 USD and probably do not include all the extras I received as listed below. Total cost for my preop checkup, sonogram, blood work,  surgery, anesthesia, overnight stay, meds, biopsy and followups... $1350 USD. Would I recommend coming here for this surgery? Absolutely.

I have been taking it easy and hope that I will be 100% after this week as June promises to be very busy. We have our first intern coming to stay with us for 6 weeks on Tuesday, we have a team from our home church in Jacksonville, FL coming for a week, the language school is headed into our busiest summer ever, my work with LHAA and IHNFA is also growing, Inversiones Wolfe Honduras is slowly showing signs of success, not only as a business, but also as a ministry and is requiring more and more of my time promoting and installing water filters. I have at least three wells waiting to be drilled and of course we have all the other many things we routinely do throughout the week that require our time.

I am grateful for Barbe for holding down the fort, for being a wonderful hostess for the language school an supporting me in so many other crazy projects I do. I am also very grateful that I have Chris Villanueva as my assistant. He has made so much of what I do possible and is an almost constant companion as we travel Honduras in the "grey Isuzu office". He is an answer to prayer and now I am praying God will send me a second assistant to help manage some of the other responsibilities I am accumulating.